Words....

Everyone has heard, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."  I disagree.  Words hurt.  Today, one completely innocent statement from a doctor cut me to the bone.  I like our doctor and I respect him and his specialty.  I am grateful that we have someone with his expertise in our area.  I do not think that he meant anything harmful at all by his statement.   What I do know is that it has stuck with me all evening.

Here's what happened:
Laik has a "bracket joint" on the growth plate of the big toe of each of his feet.  Last Thursday, we had an MRI to confirm the bone deformity.  Today, was our follow-up appointment to review the MRI and schedule a surgery date.  During our appointment, our pediatric orthopedic doctor made the statement about  "screwed up genetics."  Now, before you get really mad reading this, let me explain.

The conversation goes like this:
Me:  Is this a common bone deformity?
Dr:  No.
Me: Do you think this is a result of Laik's trisomy?
Dr: I cannot answer that with certainty due to the rarity of Trisomy 12p.
Me:  Have you seen this before?
Dr:  Yes, but you have to remember, many of my cases are results of screwed up genetics.

That's where I will stop with the conversation and please notice I did not use exact quotes, because my memory of the conversation is not perfect, but I do remember those three words....VIVIDLY!

I will be the first to admit to having said hurtful words.  Most likely, every person has at some point or another spat out a word or sentence that we have immediately wished to DELETE!  Unfortunately, our mouths do not have that key to press!  And often, we are not even aware that we have said something that was taken as hurtful.

Since Laik's birth, there are many words that I have DELETED from my vocabulary.  It is amazing how since being in a new "normal" I have changed.   For years, when my nephews, students, and softball players would make a not too bright move, I would say, "you tar tar," "don't be a tar tar," and so on.  I never ever intended to make those persons feel stupid or incapable.  I just wanted them to do better and to think before they acted.  Did that statement hurt anyone through the years?  I really don't know, but I have a feeling it did.  I know that today in that doctors office, he didn't intend to hurt me with his words, but he did.

Back in December at a luncheon of which I am on the committee, it was my year to close the event.  Doing so, means asking the attendees to dig a little deeper in their purses to donate to the cause.  That request meant more to me this year because my eyes had been opened to how important it is to have the support of people to keep organizations up and operating.  Until you are in a situation where you are benefiting from that efforts and support and donations of others, we overlook the importance of it all.  I say this to show that spoken words are just the same.  Now that I am the one in this new world of having a child with a disability, words affect me.

Since last June, many "words" have cut me to the bone.  I have since learned to hate many words that I didn't give two thoughts to before.  Normal.  Special.  Typically developing.  Non-typically developing.  Mentally retarded.   Disabled.  Special education.  Stupid.  Slow. Perfect.  I could go on and on.

Now, I just put much more thought into comments I make before I speak. You never know when you are going to make a cut.  The wound will heal, but the memory remains in the scar.  It's like being sucker punched all the time.

Think before you speak....please.

The Big 1st Birthday!

Here's just a snippet of the best birthday that Todd and I have had so far....Laik's 1st!  I will be adding a story soon, but quite honestly....we are all exhausted!  What a big day for our big boy! 

 

 

 

This last picture was taken approximately 2 miles from leaving the party!  Our baby was tired! 

Dear readers, I'll share the story of his party and his "birth" day....very soon!  I'm tired too! One thing I have learned today....birthday parties will make a mommy really exhausted! 

Father's Day

My 1st Favorite Picture of Todd with Laik!

I always knew that Todd would be a wonderful father.  However, I did not know exactly how incredibly good he really would be.  That man, my husband, has surpassed every expectation I had and then some!

I have made the statement to many:  I believe that I am a good mother, but Todd is 10 times the father that I am a mother.

I always believed that I wanted a child more than Todd did.  Now, I think I was wrong.  Todd just had more faith in us being parents than I did.  I prayed and prayed and prayed to get pregnant for years (9 to be exact) and it never happened.  I can remember getting upset with Todd one time and I said, "you don't even  want me to get pregnant."  His reply, "Kim, if God wants us to have a baby, you'll get pregnant.  If not, then you won't."  Ouch, as a late 20's, early 30's woman desperately wanting a child...that was not what I wanted to hear.  But, what I have since realized - he was right.  It was all in God's time, not mine.

I remember exactly when I told Todd that I was pregnant.  It was Thursday, December 17, 2009 around 10:30 pm.  After a sick stint in a restaurant, vomiting in the parking lot and purchasing a pregnancy test (2 pack, of course) I decided "this could really be it!"

When I showed him the "PREGNANT" in the digital window on the test...I could have knocked him over with a feather!

My pregnancy was great.  Todd was supportive of all my moods, cravings and emotions.  There were most likely moments for him when he may have had thoughts of wishing I wasn't pregnant!

Fast forward to birth day.  Laik was delivered via TRUE emergency c-section at 3:28 pm on June 25, 2010.

Since that moment, I don't think I could knock Todd over with a bulldozer!  Todd has done nothing but stand firmly since the moment Laik arrived.  Todd is now lovingly referred to as "Security" or "the Warden" by the family.  One must go through him to get to Laik!  Todd makes bottles, changes diapers, does bath time, gets up at night, and is the MORNING MAN!  I leave before he does each day for work which means he has duty until the sitter arrives at the house.  He does it all.  I have to say, he does it well.

He has a love for our son that is undeniably the most incredible that I have witnessed.  And with that said, I am left speechless watching him with Laik.  My cup absolutely runneth over!

Pictures will speak much louder than my typed words!  Here is the year in review between father and son. These are just a few of my favorites!  It is hard to believe that Laik will be turning 1 year old this Saturday!

At the Guys Cookout for the Carpenter Wedding! 11 months

Nothing like hand kisses!

Bath time love!

First Tractor Ride....his 2 month birthday!

Meet the Mocs at Finley

His first snow angel in January!

I love the serious look on Laik's face....matches the hat!

Laik's First Snow on Christmas Day 2010....6 months old

First Easter and Todd was the bunny!

Big slide at the County Park...9 months old.

February....Love Love Love Month

First 4-wheeler ride with Daddy!

Christmas Fun!

First gun for Christmas!  (I know, a little soon, but whatever!)

Daddy really wanted him to walk!

Laik's introduction to Goose Hunting!

He always says there is nothing better than having Laik sleep on his chest!

Laik was so small in Todd's hand!

Todd's first time to hold Laik!

The pictures show the happiness when he is with Laik.  The two of them have experienced many new "1st" together and I am anxious to see what year 2 has in store for Laik and his daddy!

Happy Father's Day, Honey!  I couldn't have gotten through this year without you!


To Daddy and Freelan:  Todd and I are thankful to you for being our first example of what a father should be.  Love you both!