Words....

Everyone has heard, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."  I disagree.  Words hurt.  Today, one completely innocent statement from a doctor cut me to the bone.  I like our doctor and I respect him and his specialty.  I am grateful that we have someone with his expertise in our area.  I do not think that he meant anything harmful at all by his statement.   What I do know is that it has stuck with me all evening.

Here's what happened:
Laik has a "bracket joint" on the growth plate of the big toe of each of his feet.  Last Thursday, we had an MRI to confirm the bone deformity.  Today, was our follow-up appointment to review the MRI and schedule a surgery date.  During our appointment, our pediatric orthopedic doctor made the statement about  "screwed up genetics."  Now, before you get really mad reading this, let me explain.

The conversation goes like this:
Me:  Is this a common bone deformity?
Dr:  No.
Me: Do you think this is a result of Laik's trisomy?
Dr: I cannot answer that with certainty due to the rarity of Trisomy 12p.
Me:  Have you seen this before?
Dr:  Yes, but you have to remember, many of my cases are results of screwed up genetics.

That's where I will stop with the conversation and please notice I did not use exact quotes, because my memory of the conversation is not perfect, but I do remember those three words....VIVIDLY!

I will be the first to admit to having said hurtful words.  Most likely, every person has at some point or another spat out a word or sentence that we have immediately wished to DELETE!  Unfortunately, our mouths do not have that key to press!  And often, we are not even aware that we have said something that was taken as hurtful.

Since Laik's birth, there are many words that I have DELETED from my vocabulary.  It is amazing how since being in a new "normal" I have changed.   For years, when my nephews, students, and softball players would make a not too bright move, I would say, "you tar tar," "don't be a tar tar," and so on.  I never ever intended to make those persons feel stupid or incapable.  I just wanted them to do better and to think before they acted.  Did that statement hurt anyone through the years?  I really don't know, but I have a feeling it did.  I know that today in that doctors office, he didn't intend to hurt me with his words, but he did.

Back in December at a luncheon of which I am on the committee, it was my year to close the event.  Doing so, means asking the attendees to dig a little deeper in their purses to donate to the cause.  That request meant more to me this year because my eyes had been opened to how important it is to have the support of people to keep organizations up and operating.  Until you are in a situation where you are benefiting from that efforts and support and donations of others, we overlook the importance of it all.  I say this to show that spoken words are just the same.  Now that I am the one in this new world of having a child with a disability, words affect me.

Since last June, many "words" have cut me to the bone.  I have since learned to hate many words that I didn't give two thoughts to before.  Normal.  Special.  Typically developing.  Non-typically developing.  Mentally retarded.   Disabled.  Special education.  Stupid.  Slow. Perfect.  I could go on and on.

Now, I just put much more thought into comments I make before I speak. You never know when you are going to make a cut.  The wound will heal, but the memory remains in the scar.  It's like being sucker punched all the time.

Think before you speak....please.

The Big 1st Birthday!

Here's just a snippet of the best birthday that Todd and I have had so far....Laik's 1st!  I will be adding a story soon, but quite honestly....we are all exhausted!  What a big day for our big boy! 

 

 

 

This last picture was taken approximately 2 miles from leaving the party!  Our baby was tired! 

Dear readers, I'll share the story of his party and his "birth" day....very soon!  I'm tired too! One thing I have learned today....birthday parties will make a mommy really exhausted! 

Father's Day

My 1st Favorite Picture of Todd with Laik!

I always knew that Todd would be a wonderful father.  However, I did not know exactly how incredibly good he really would be.  That man, my husband, has surpassed every expectation I had and then some!

I have made the statement to many:  I believe that I am a good mother, but Todd is 10 times the father that I am a mother.

I always believed that I wanted a child more than Todd did.  Now, I think I was wrong.  Todd just had more faith in us being parents than I did.  I prayed and prayed and prayed to get pregnant for years (9 to be exact) and it never happened.  I can remember getting upset with Todd one time and I said, "you don't even  want me to get pregnant."  His reply, "Kim, if God wants us to have a baby, you'll get pregnant.  If not, then you won't."  Ouch, as a late 20's, early 30's woman desperately wanting a child...that was not what I wanted to hear.  But, what I have since realized - he was right.  It was all in God's time, not mine.

I remember exactly when I told Todd that I was pregnant.  It was Thursday, December 17, 2009 around 10:30 pm.  After a sick stint in a restaurant, vomiting in the parking lot and purchasing a pregnancy test (2 pack, of course) I decided "this could really be it!"

When I showed him the "PREGNANT" in the digital window on the test...I could have knocked him over with a feather!

My pregnancy was great.  Todd was supportive of all my moods, cravings and emotions.  There were most likely moments for him when he may have had thoughts of wishing I wasn't pregnant!

Fast forward to birth day.  Laik was delivered via TRUE emergency c-section at 3:28 pm on June 25, 2010.

Since that moment, I don't think I could knock Todd over with a bulldozer!  Todd has done nothing but stand firmly since the moment Laik arrived.  Todd is now lovingly referred to as "Security" or "the Warden" by the family.  One must go through him to get to Laik!  Todd makes bottles, changes diapers, does bath time, gets up at night, and is the MORNING MAN!  I leave before he does each day for work which means he has duty until the sitter arrives at the house.  He does it all.  I have to say, he does it well.

He has a love for our son that is undeniably the most incredible that I have witnessed.  And with that said, I am left speechless watching him with Laik.  My cup absolutely runneth over!

Pictures will speak much louder than my typed words!  Here is the year in review between father and son. These are just a few of my favorites!  It is hard to believe that Laik will be turning 1 year old this Saturday!

At the Guys Cookout for the Carpenter Wedding! 11 months

Nothing like hand kisses!

Bath time love!

First Tractor Ride....his 2 month birthday!

Meet the Mocs at Finley

His first snow angel in January!

I love the serious look on Laik's face....matches the hat!

Laik's First Snow on Christmas Day 2010....6 months old

First Easter and Todd was the bunny!

Big slide at the County Park...9 months old.

February....Love Love Love Month

First 4-wheeler ride with Daddy!

Christmas Fun!

First gun for Christmas!  (I know, a little soon, but whatever!)

Daddy really wanted him to walk!

Laik's introduction to Goose Hunting!

He always says there is nothing better than having Laik sleep on his chest!

Laik was so small in Todd's hand!

Todd's first time to hold Laik!

The pictures show the happiness when he is with Laik.  The two of them have experienced many new "1st" together and I am anxious to see what year 2 has in store for Laik and his daddy!

Happy Father's Day, Honey!  I couldn't have gotten through this year without you!


To Daddy and Freelan:  Todd and I are thankful to you for being our first example of what a father should be.  Love you both!

Yeah Laik!

After many months of playing PeekABoo with Laik, today he pulled the Lovie away from my face!  I was so excited that I scared him when I said, "YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAA LAIK!"

Laik is beginning to do more that makes me believe that he is "getting" it.

1. He loves the patty cake game....still no rolling and throwing dough.  But he laughs when we do it.
2. He brings his hands together and interlocks his fingers.  We call it "praying."
3. When I read a book, he loves to "turn the page"  amazingly it is always to the left. 
4. He is transferring toys from hand to hand.  He prefers the ball more than anything. 
5. He scratches every texture, with his thumb!!!  This is funny, it is music to my ears in the car.
6. When playing with his Chime Garden, he waits for the lights to go off, then will hit it again to activate the sounds and lights.
7. In the bath, he is splashing the water more and more.
8. In the highchair, he has finally realized that the tray is there and loves to smack his hands down!
9. He is making more and more sounds.  We have heard the O and A.  
10. He is laughing out loud and I love the sound of his laugh.
11. He loves to eat.  Ella's Kitchen foods are by far his favorites.  We have tried puffs, but he tends to gag.  Slowly, we are progressing with solids.
12. He loves tummy time, but his tummy is so heavy, he has yet to get up on his knees...on his own.
13. He is developing a personality....more to come on that.  
14. He rocks side to side....he is testing his limits with balance.
15. And he continues to make me have joy in my heart daily!

Laik's  FIRST birthday is just 15 days away.  Todd and I are so proud of everything he has accomplished up to this point.  And we are really looking forward to his big day and maybe, just maybe he will have a tooth by then!!!!

Granny Turner's Tub

My precious Granny Turner had an old yellow tub and I am certain that just about all of the grandchildren and most of the great grandchildren were bathed in it at some point, in the kitchen sink.  The corner of Spears and Ziegler was a very special place to many.  Granny and Papa Turner lived there.....forever!

Their small two bedroom home with a fenced in yard was a structure filled with love.  It was instilled in us that you always have the door open when someone needs you, you always feed as many as need/want to eat,  you love unconditionally and you trust that God will take care of you.  Though these rules were never verbally stated, this is my interpretation of how I believe my grandparents lived their lives.

Unfortunately, both of my grandparents have gone on to be with the Lord and the house no longer stands, but trust me...many, many memories of that corner live on.  Since Laik was born, my mother has wanted to give him a bath in the "old yellow tub".....well, Sunday evening at Mother and Daddy's we did just that!

After a good wash for the tub, it was ready to go into a new sink.  Granted, my mother's kitchen is far different from the old kitchen sink at Granny's,  it was truly a special moment.  The joy on my mother's face to see Laik in the tub was well worth it.  She immediately said, "Your granny would have loved seeing you in this tub!"  Laik just grinned, and that alone always tickles my mother's heart.

As for Granny and Papa...I firmly believe that it tickled their heart too!

Playing with the "rinse" cup!

Patty cake!

Playing in the morning and Laik had a successful mimic of the patty cake...sort of.  He didn't roll it up and throw it in the pan!!!  He did laugh a lot!

Go Laik Go!

PT with Stacey!

As Summer Programs Coordinator at GPS, I meet  a lot of parents each summer.  The first time I met Stacey was at camp registration in 2008.   At the time, she was just one of the many moms that I would see that summer.   She was a familiar face and I knew she was Addie's mom, but otherwise it was just cordial talk.  For the next two years, Addie returned to camp and I would see Stacey now and then at drop-off, aftercare or the finale festival.  But last summer in 2010, it was different.

I vividly remember seeing Stacey in the gym and we had one thing in common:  We were both VERY pregnant.  Once again, small talk occurred.   My baby was due in July, hers in June.  Little did I know at the time, Laik would also arrive (4 1/2 weeks premature) in June.  Ironically, just two days after Stacey delivered her daughter,  Emery.

Emery was born on June 23 and Laik on June 25.  Wow, our babies were two days apart!

Now, how did I know all that if we were just casual acquaintances?  Once again, here's how our glorious God works in His most miraculous ways!

Stacey is a physical therapist with pediatric specialist certification. And I might add, she is exemplary at doing what she does for children!  She is one of only 24 in the state of Tennessee and Laik is blessed to have her as his therapist.  How did I get so lucky?

As mentioned before, God knows the right people to put in your path.  Once learning Laik had Trisomy 12p, connecting with TEIS, and having numerous discussions with a long time family friend that is a nurse practitioner in the NICU at Children's here in Chattanooga, she recommended having a PT evaluation.  Of course, my friend had already discussed Laik with her chosen PT recommendation.

Put 2 and 2 together and Stacey is our therapist!

All the sudden, the new parent at summer registration from years ago becomes an intrigal player in the development of my son's life.  And boy was I thankful.  Stacey welcomed us into her "playroom" with open arms.  Immediately, I felt like I had known her forever.  I had the feeling that I was visiting an old friend and introducing her to Laik for the first time.  She took him into her arms, starting to talk and "gaga" with him like he was her own.  That made me happy!  I knew this was going to be a good match for us.

Now, Laik might not have thought so after spending an hour with her.  She made him work and work hard.  As a coach, I have little sympathy for weakness when it comes to training.  Now, now, I know what you are thinking, "he's just a baby" and you're right. BUT....we have to learn how to do things and do it right to make Laik stronger.  So, through our hourly sessions with Stacey, I sit back and watch my son go through his workout to get stronger.  It's not always easy to do, but I know that Stacey realizes his limits and she ALWAYS does what is best for Laik.

Since our first evaluation with Stacey in November 2010, Laik has progressed beautifully.  Stacey even invited Laik to an upper level PT class at UTC to be a model "non-typically" developing baby for future PT's to observe and evaluate!  Stacey has also given me terrific insight to what toys are best for Laik.  The most unlikely toys are often the best for children with special needs.  But what Stacey has done for me the most is:  She has given me hope!

Stacey is always honest with me and doesn't sugar coat details.  When I ask questions or have concerns, she either sets me straight or gives me a better understanding of what is going on.  She teaches me exactly what I need to do with Laik to help him defy the odds of what he could be up against in the future with his development.  Todd and I both respect and appreciate her guidance. And, it works!

When you have a child with special needs it requires having special people in your life to help. First and foremost when we enter the PT sessions, Stacey is Laik's physical therapist. But ultimately, during the one hour workouts for Laik, Stacey has become my friend.

I couldn't ask for any better than that!