Words....

Everyone has heard, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."  I disagree.  Words hurt.  Today, one completely innocent statement from a doctor cut me to the bone.  I like our doctor and I respect him and his specialty.  I am grateful that we have someone with his expertise in our area.  I do not think that he meant anything harmful at all by his statement.   What I do know is that it has stuck with me all evening.

Here's what happened:
Laik has a "bracket joint" on the growth plate of the big toe of each of his feet.  Last Thursday, we had an MRI to confirm the bone deformity.  Today, was our follow-up appointment to review the MRI and schedule a surgery date.  During our appointment, our pediatric orthopedic doctor made the statement about  "screwed up genetics."  Now, before you get really mad reading this, let me explain.

The conversation goes like this:
Me:  Is this a common bone deformity?
Dr:  No.
Me: Do you think this is a result of Laik's trisomy?
Dr: I cannot answer that with certainty due to the rarity of Trisomy 12p.
Me:  Have you seen this before?
Dr:  Yes, but you have to remember, many of my cases are results of screwed up genetics.

That's where I will stop with the conversation and please notice I did not use exact quotes, because my memory of the conversation is not perfect, but I do remember those three words....VIVIDLY!

I will be the first to admit to having said hurtful words.  Most likely, every person has at some point or another spat out a word or sentence that we have immediately wished to DELETE!  Unfortunately, our mouths do not have that key to press!  And often, we are not even aware that we have said something that was taken as hurtful.

Since Laik's birth, there are many words that I have DELETED from my vocabulary.  It is amazing how since being in a new "normal" I have changed.   For years, when my nephews, students, and softball players would make a not too bright move, I would say, "you tar tar," "don't be a tar tar," and so on.  I never ever intended to make those persons feel stupid or incapable.  I just wanted them to do better and to think before they acted.  Did that statement hurt anyone through the years?  I really don't know, but I have a feeling it did.  I know that today in that doctors office, he didn't intend to hurt me with his words, but he did.

Back in December at a luncheon of which I am on the committee, it was my year to close the event.  Doing so, means asking the attendees to dig a little deeper in their purses to donate to the cause.  That request meant more to me this year because my eyes had been opened to how important it is to have the support of people to keep organizations up and operating.  Until you are in a situation where you are benefiting from that efforts and support and donations of others, we overlook the importance of it all.  I say this to show that spoken words are just the same.  Now that I am the one in this new world of having a child with a disability, words affect me.

Since last June, many "words" have cut me to the bone.  I have since learned to hate many words that I didn't give two thoughts to before.  Normal.  Special.  Typically developing.  Non-typically developing.  Mentally retarded.   Disabled.  Special education.  Stupid.  Slow. Perfect.  I could go on and on.

Now, I just put much more thought into comments I make before I speak. You never know when you are going to make a cut.  The wound will heal, but the memory remains in the scar.  It's like being sucker punched all the time.

Think before you speak....please.